How To Trust Others
- TeenToTeen
- Sep 8, 2020
- 4 min read
Have you ever had “trust issues” with your friends? If so, you were probably hurt in the past and have trouble trusting new people. Or perhaps someone you know has experienced this dilemma. Either way, this article can help you better trust others, a skill anyone can benefit from.
#1: Address why you have “trust issues.” There can be a whole slew of reasons why someone may have trouble trusting a friend. Did you have a bad experience with someone in the past? It can be hard to forgive someone after they have hurt you, but try your best to move on in the most healthy way you can. You can address the person or situation that you think your trust issues are rooted in before jumping into a new friendship with feelings of insecurity. Either way, it is up to you and your unique position. If your trust issues root in something that happened in the past with someone you’re no longer friends with, try not to let that bad experience ruin your ability to trust new people. This is a new person, with hopefully no intentions of hurting you.
#2 Find someone to talk to about your trust issues: A Trust Partner. Delving into why you have trust issues can be scary and emotionally challenging, especially if you’re experiencing trust issues with multiple of your relationships. Talk to a school counselor, coach, relative, or anyone else that has your best interest at heart. Having someone to help you identify the core of your trust issue problems is extremely helpful and can aid you in overcoming them. Know that you don’t have to do it all on your own.The people around you are here to help!
#3: Rethink whether friendship X is worth keeping. Make sure you are getting what you need out of a friendship. If you just have trust-issues with one or two people, rethink whether these friends are worth keeping. Every relationship is a two-way street with embedded trust. Think back to a time that made you distrust your friend. Did they do something intentional to breach your trust or was it an honest mistake? Was it their problem or did you just view their mistake as a problem? Ask yourself these questions, jot down your thoughts, and reflect.
#4 Know that even if you do trust people again, you are inevitably going to be let down sometimes. People aren’t perfect. Acknowledge that there is always some degree of risk in every relationship. You mess up too. Everyone messes up. Instead of shying away from trusting others again because of the possible hurt it can cause, learn how to hurt well. Let yourself feel all of your emotions fully. Know that they are valid. Don’t ignore how you feel. Journal. Create a comfortable environment. Know that hurting is a part of life; everyone experiences it sometimes even though no one tends to talk about it. Being mindful is key to giving yourself what you need to heal and is a tool you can use when learning to trust again.
#5 Start small to test the waters. When learning how to trust again, pick someone you see often and start small. Picking someone you have repeated encounters with speeds up the process of trusting, as these repeated encounters already start to build assurance. So pick someone you see regularly, whether that be at school, on your commute, at an extracurricular activity, etc. Once you feel comfortable with someone, start small. Share a little bit about yourself. Let yourself be slightly vulnerable; ask for a favor, share how you’re feeling, show interest in them. These small actions will be acknowledged and oftentimes reciprocated; everyone is eager to have a new good friend.
#6 Trust an animal. A study done by the Journal of Research in Personality reported that pet owners who had their pets with them (or thought of them) when generating a list of life goals had much more confidence in achieving these goals. The study asked 165 pet owners to make these lists; one-third of them had their pets with them while they made their list of life goals, another third were told to write a bit about their pet to bring their pet to mind before making their list, and the last third made their list while their pet was in another room. Bottomline, an animal can offer a dependable, safe haven for you to engage with, which is one of the keys to fostering trust.
#7 Be trustworthy yourself. You can’t expect to trust others if you can’t be trusted yourself. Being trustworthy can help you seek it out in others. Offer to help someone, do a favor, follow through on your obligations, keep your word. When someone else trusts you, it is a reminder that maybe you can trust too.
Know that learning to trust others again is a process. Try your best to put your past problems with trusting aside and not bring them into new relationships. Learning to trust again is a journey, not a race, so take your time.
Name: Claire Ottenstein
Editor: Nathalia Ramkissoon
Graphic Designer: Tiffany Tran
Photographer: Sophie Hafter
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