Cheating

Is flirting cheating? How do you avoid cheaters? What should you do when your partner cheats? Well, first let's cover what cheating is. Most people define cheating, in a relationship, as being unfaithful in a sexual context. However, not all people define cheating as this definition.

A number of people consider flirting as cheating. I asked 30 different people if they thought flirting was cheating. They were almost evenly split, with a slight majority believing that flirting with someone else should be considered cheating. The argument behind why flirting is cheating mainly consists of intention and the effects that inherently come with it. Those who believe that flirting is cheating argued that the reason people flirt with each other is to develop more of an intimate and sexual relationship. By flirting, you are entertaining someone other than your partner. They also argued that the effects can be similar to what more conventional ways of cheating do to a relationship. When your partner flirts with someone else it can feel like a betrayal and can damage the trust that the two of you share; just as other forms of cheating would. Meanwhile, the people who don’t believe flirting is cheating had a different way of looking at the dilemma. They said that flirting with someone else while you’re in a relationship is wrong, but they did not consider it cheating. Their view on the matter was that nothing sexual was physically happening, therefore they would not classify it under cheating. Others argued that if you feel that your partner is cheating on you it reflects a lack of communication in your relationship.

Since so many teenagers define cheating in several different ways, it is important to discuss boundaries with your partner. I know, it can be an awkward conversation to have if you haven’t known each other for long or if you’re generally new to dating; however, it is important the success and longevity of your relationship. Make sure that you are both on the same page as to what crosses the line, so that you both trust each other and are able to have a strong base for your relationship.

Why do teens cheat in their relationships? I interviewed a couple of teenage boys who have cheated in their previous relationship(s) in order to provide insight on the topic. They agreed that they felt they were more prone to cheating when they felt their relationship was experiencing a rough patch or close to its end; according to them, they rationalized cheating because they felt that it wasn’t as bad when they were under the impression that the relationship was going to end regardless. Some said they felt that when they were in their early teens they thought cheating wasn’t as bad because they were young so their relationships weren’t as serious. Others stated that they wanted to use their teenage years to experiment with different people and didn’t keep in mind the consequences of doing so while in a relationship.

So, if there are so many different reasons people cheat in relationships, how do you avoid cheating? And how do you avoid cheaters? In my experience, communication is the most important aspect of a relationship. You have to be on the same page as to whether or not you both want to be monogamous, and if so what does that mean to you both? If you disagree as to whether or not your relationship will be exclusive, you are going to get hurt if you pretend to be ok with being in an open relationship (no matter how much you like your partner). If the two of you are looking for different things in a relationship, move on; there are plenty of fish in the sea and there is also someone out there who wants the same things out of a relationship that you do.

Also, if you feel unhappy in your relationship and you feel the urge to cheat, tell your partner that you aren’t happy in the relationship. You could talk about the problems between you or break up, but don’t cheat on them. It will cause them a lot of unnecessary emotional pain and will make you feel guilty. Save yourself the trouble and make an effort to follow your moral compass. I have had many people tell me that they would rather have someone break up with them and immediately find someone else than cheats on them during a relationship.

Now that you know how to avoid cheating, let's discuss what to do once cheating has already happened in your relationship. If you are the one who just cheated on your partner: tell them. It will probably be extremely difficult or terrifying to do so, but it will work out better for you in the long run. I can’t promise that they won’t be upset or break up with you. However, they will value your honesty. If they break up with you, then you know that they weren’t the one, and hopefully, you learn not to cheat in your next relationship. If you are lucky enough to have a partner who forgives you after you are unfaithful to them, they will know that you didn’t hide it from them. If you keep it a secret and they eventually find out, it will make it so much harder for them to trust you because they will question how much of your relationship was a lie. So, if you are the one who cheated, come clean because it is the best option for you and your partner.

Now if you have just been cheated on, the guidelines are a little blurry. In my opinion, there is no right way to handle the news that your partner cheated on you. If you want to break up with them, by all means, do it. You have every right to feel hurt and angry, and you should not be with someone who treats you any less than you deserve. If you want to stay with them, that is ok too. Some people find this option controversial, but I believe that you should listen to your heart. However, if they do it again, break up with them because they clearly don’t learn from their mistakes and have a disregard for your feelings. If you aren’t sure what you want to do, maybe take a break from your relationship so that you can figure it out. If they really want to stay with you, they will respect your decision and wait for you to make up your mind.

Cheating can have a huge impact on your relationship, so keep this in mind before you do anything you regret. It is important to talk about cheating while we are teenagers, because, for those of us getting involved in romantic relationships, our approach to cheating now will help us learn how to handle challenges in our future romantic relationships. Remember to have discussions about boundaries with your partner and be adamant about finding someone who is compatible with what you are looking for in a relationship.

Name: Blair Blackshaw

Editor: Meghana Nakkanti

Graphic Designer: Sadie Honchock

Photographer: India Jones