Changes with Friend Groups

What constitutes a “change”

Just when we think life is settled down, we encounter a shift in what we consider stable: friends. While every dynamic of a friend group is different, there are commonalities to reflect on that can help you understand yourself as a friend. Most importantly is the “what” kind of change is happening. Are you dropping your friends? Are your friends dropping you? It is extremely important to understand what type of situation you are facing. If you find yourself outgrowing them and wanting to move forward without them, then you would be dropping them. However, if your friends drop you or possibly ghost you, there could be something you’ve done or a way you are acting that causes your friends to leave. Both of these are changes in friend group dynamics and can alter how you see yourself as a friend and what you might need to do when encountering these situations.

Evolution of friendship

When considering a change with a friend, think about how you felt at the start of the friendship compared to how you feel now. If you feel like you have been your best self throughout the friend group, or at least a good version of yourself, then you probably have a great friendship. That being said, if you find yourself feeling bad after being with them, and maybe comparing yourself to them, your friendship is likely to be unhealthy. Oftentimes, we make friends and they turn out to be someone you were not originally friends with. Sadly, this happens, but things do not always end harshly; you can outgrow friends and part ways without harsh feelings. It is important to recognize how you felt at the start of the friendship in comparison to now.

Purpose to life

Some people believe that everyone in their life serves a purpose. Personally, I believe in three purposes people can serve when they enter someone’s life: teacher, soulmate, or angel. Teachers make us learn hard lessons, so friends like this probably won't end up being good friends because they teach you what a real friend is. Soulmates are a bit more complex; these people feel like family or like you have been with them before. They are comforting and can last a lifetime. Lastly, angels. Angels walk into your life unexpectedly, for maybe five seconds or five months. They guide us and help us right when we need them and usually you do not know their purpose until later. When looking over a friendship, take note about their purpose to your life. If it is good and you are not making excuses for them, then it is a healthy friendship. When dealing with change it is important to remember how the group or the person contributes to your life, and it is perfectly okay if you need to remove yourself because they/the group is toxic.

Handle situation

Unfortunately, there are countless times when we have to face changes regarding friendships. In order to handle this situation depends on whether you lost someone or if someone lost you. If you have chosen to leave someone or a group, have a private and mature conversation with that friend (or group) discussing how you are feeling with your friendship. This looks different depending on the dynamic, but having a mature conversation never hurts. However, if people lose you and you feel them changing, you can also have a private conversation with them. There is a huge difference between conversation and confrontation. When having a conversation, no one should have an argumentative tone or the mindset of a confrontation. Putting emotion behind your words to a person can backfire extremely and hurt more people in the long run. In the short term, snapping or confronting can help, but the long term is more important and you never want to completely burn a bridge.

Love to Learn

While changes can seem scary, especially with friends, at the end of the day there is a saying that can help: if it’s not this, it’s something better. Sometimes people we mistake for soulmates end up being teachers, and that’s okay. Life is all about memorizing the good experiences and reliving the good feelings. Friends will always enter and exit your life, and therefore you should learn to love the comfort of yourself. Adapting to the change of relationship dynamics will help you more in life than staying in a friendship that is toxic and refuses to become better.

Name: Bella Pivo

Editor: Claire Ottenstein

Graphic Designer: Tiffany Tran

Photographer: Leighton Gammage